My Belt...

This is how my brown belt fits currently. I received my brown belt, and then my second degree (as indicated by the two black stripes) around the age of 13-14. At the moment, it's too small. That combined with the fact that the elastic in my gi pants doesn't work anymore, means I wear it less than I would like to. Two years ago, I couldn't even tie it. I wish I could wear it with pride right now, but when I do wear it, it pushes my gi pants down and constricts my movements.

I love this belt. I have had it for over a decade and it was earned with hard work and dedication. Yeah, I could maybe have the dojo order me a larger one for now, but somehow that doesn't feel right. You earn a belt, you don't buy it.

This belt represents many things to me.... It's a reminder of my dedication to the martial arts. It's a symbol of my achievements and progress. At this time in my life, it's also an obstacle to be overcome.

I have been a second degree brown belt for far too long. I took an extended break from studying, and with that came undesirable physical changes, as well as a loss of skill and loss of memory of my material.  This past year I have worked to fill the gaps in my material. I've lost some weight and regained some balance, power and skill... but I've got a long way to go.

It's funny to say that... "I've got a long way to go", because I actually only have one stripe and (an extreme test of mental and physical endurance) standing between me and my black belt. However, until this belt fits again, until I can wear it with confidence, until I can sew on that last black stripe, I will feel like I'm not quite where I should be.

I have a month before I go for my"first degree" (third stripe), and then about a year to prepare myself for the biggest test of my life. Along the way, I hope to fit myself to this brown belt, physically and mentally, so that I can successfully move forward.