Quick Update - Sunday workout fail.

I did decide to work out. I also lost 1 pound... finally.

Things I found out this afternoon: 


1. I can't seem to get the hang of jumping rope. And by that I mean, I swing it and jump, then immediately trip. I exhausted myself and after a few minutes without managing to get it around more than twice I was like "Screw this!" and quit. Haha. Soooo frustrating...

2. Jogging right now is out of the question. My knees can't take it.

3. I look kind of ridiculous in all black with white Vans decorated with angry looking stars.

4. Don't go all day on nothing but coffee, workout and then eat more than you actually need.

5. I should have just rested my body today.

What I did accomplish:

• Burning calories while failing at jogging and jumping rope. 
• 10 minutes and 100 calories burned on the elliptical. 
• A little martial arts practice as a cool down exercise. 

Day 11: Struggles and Finding Motivation

I'm still deciding whether or not to "get physical" today. I'm feeling bruised, sore, and worn out physically and emotionally. I may decide to go use my new jump rope for a while (or, attempt to anyway... lol), but in the meantime I'm taking a little while to focus on my mind.

This challenge for me is not all about losing weight, getting fit and preparing for the physical challenge of the black belt test. That's part of it, but I'm not sure that's the most important part.

I've had a really rough year so far. I'm not going to go into details about it, but I will say it feels like my whole world just suddenly stopped being what it has been all my life and now I feel like I am starting over from scratch. My confidence is pretty much in shambles.

I need to find my self worth again. This weekend, I didn't feel it at all. Literally, I felt like a total loser. Not only that, but I'm not even in a place right now where I like myself. There's this constant stream going on in my head of stuff I'm doing wrong, or things that are wrong with me. "You're lazy. You're not tidy or organized enough. You complain too much. You're not working hard enough. You look like crap. You annoy people. You've waisted every opportunity you had to be something. You don't deserve your fiancee." Just on and on...

My friend and mentor, Sensei Jim Bouchard talks about how "Perfection is not a destination; It's a never-ending process...". Here are some links to his material that I find motivational and very helpful (for everyone... not just martial artists):


Podcast (Think Like A Black Belt):
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/think-like-a-black-belt/id150959297?i=83634207

Blog:
http://thinklikeablackbeltblog.com/

Books:
http://astore.amazon.com/dynacompofper-20


This blog, the challenge I have set for myself... it's about starting that process of perfection, about finding my sense of self worth again and becoming more confident and about sharing that process with others. It's about deciding to take action, discipline myself and reach my goals. Being a black belt is about more than just punches, kicks and physical strength. That's why I'm not trying to test this October and instead waiting till next year. I need that time to rebuild mentally, get my confidence back and feel better about myself. I want to go into that test knowing I'm ready to face the challenge and knowing I can put 110% into it.

Day 9: Dance Dance Revolution

Instead of going to the gym today, I decided to get out my DDR mat. It was actually the best workout I've had this week! I burned 206 calories in only 20 minutes! I need to start doing that more regularly. It saves me a lot of time and I don't even have to leave the house.

As far as food goes, today was good. All I really had was some coffee, half a beer, half an egg sandwich, a diet coke and half a fajita. Last night after karate I made myself a skim milk/banana/peanut butter/chocolate smoothie, and I have some left so I'll probably finish that off in a little while. I know it's not exactly sugar free, but it's liquid and I didn't go overboard on the peanut butter and chocolate. Better than having a half pint of Ben & Jerry's or some sort of gas station pastry.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this coming week is going to bring some tangible results.

Karate

I went to Karate tonight for the first time since I started this challenge. I almost didn't go because running errands took longer than expected, but I made it just in time for the Advanced class and I am glad I did!!

Warmups were ROUGH. Three reasons:
1. It was real muggy
2. My balance is all weird due to my foot/knee issues
3. I am overweight smoker who needs stamina improvement

The rest of class was fantastic, tho for some reason towards the end I started to see little white stars and got to that dizzy place right before you pass out. We weren't even doing anything strenuous! Some water helped.

I miss my belt. It's just SO SMALL on me and it gets all uncomfy and makes my pants fall down. Plus it makes me feel wicked fat and get all self-conscious. I know I shouldn't feel TOO bad... I mean, I got it when I was 14 and I'm lucky I can get it tied at all. It's not like I got it 3 years ago and have just gained a tremendous amount of belly fat. No average person has the waist they had when they were 14. I just miss wearing one. Sigh. So what I do, is not wear it, and then I stand in the back row with the green belts because I somehow feel like I don't deserve to be in the front, even though I am technically the highest ranking person in the class. Confidence FAIL.

I think confidence is one of the reasons I've been missing class as much as I have. Yes, scheduling is a bitch, so tuesdays are always out (and some saturdays are off limits too). And yes, I've been feeling under the weather... But also, I'm just not as good as I used to be and since I sort of re-entered the scene after YEARS of being away, I feel a little out of place if that makes sense. Mostly everyone else there has gone through this whole process together, and then BAM I show up randomly out of the blue, out of practice, with a second degree brown belt that doesn't fit, a worn out gi, and I just float between the beginners class and the advanced class trying to get back in shape and get all my material back. It's a little awkward, tho I know it shouldn't be because the dojo is a very accepting "safe zone". Basically it's all in my head.

This challenge is as mental as it is physical.

Day 8: Time to put up some stats.

Weight: 215  (up from 214)
Body fat: 40% (down from 40.9%)

This is not particularly encouraging. However... I have absolute faith that I am doing the right things and feel very good about the changes I have made recently. I have not had fast food or eaten at the food court. The only junk food item I ate was some chips one night. I also only had soda once. I've been eating at home, cooking, bringing lunch to work with me and healthy snacks. I've been making sure I eat breakfast before I leave the house. I've been cutting down my portions and paying more attention to what my body is telling me. I've added more exercise into my schedule.

Honestly, I think if I keep this up, my body will start changing. Maybe it's been in this rut so long that it is going to take a little time for it to start getting back into gear again. I can definitely say I feel like I'm being healthier.

If in another week or two I'm not seeing any change, I'll have to re-evaluate my plan of action.

End of Week 1

I haven't lost any weight this week. Which is frustrating, but Rome wasn't built in a day. The up side is that it seems I've lost nearly 1% body fat, so I am assuming that I've either gained a little muscle or it's water weight during this particular week.

I've been awesome about cooking a lot. Last night I made baked stuffed salmon with shrimp and for desert I had 2 graham crackers with cream cheese and a few chocolate chips. I really should have only had ONE graham cracker, because I felt a little too full after desert. I would say that the only time this week I kind of fell off the wagon was one night where I ate a few handfuls of potato chips instead of going for a healthier snack. And you know what? Physically, it made me feel kind of crappy.

I got to the gym twice this week. I think cardio is going to be my biggest challenge, but it's totally necessary. I love lifting weights. I'm really strong. But to be honest... I don't really need to be building more muscle. I can feel all the muscle that's under that layer of fat that's hiding it, and I can lift every day all year, but it's just gonna make me bulkier and regardless of how much muscle I have, it's not gonna SHOW unless I get rid of the fat that's covering it. Since you can't "spot remove" fat with specific target area exercises (ie doing a ton of crunches), I need to be on the bike, the elliptical, and maybe work my way to the treadmill (which I hate).

As for karate... I didn't get in this week. But I need to take things at my own pace. Part of me wants to make this go faster, but the reality is... it's hard to re-learn everything you knew 12 years ago! Especially when you're in a different body! I received my current rank when I was 14. Which means my belt fits a whole hell of a lot differently than it did then. I avoid wearing it when I can because it's way too small and looks kind of ridiculous.

It's all a process! A long process. I just have to stay on track and keep at it...

Overcoming the Plateau...

I'm feeling under the weather today, which isn't all bad because it means I'm certainly not hungry, but it does mean I don't have a lot to say. Instead, I shall post a couple of photos.

My weight loss progress since 2008:

(Notice the giant, annoying plateau...)

At my heaviest:

Some photos of me now:

I just thought this would be good to post so that there is a reference point of where I have come from and where I am at now.