Karate

I went to Karate tonight for the first time since I started this challenge. I almost didn't go because running errands took longer than expected, but I made it just in time for the Advanced class and I am glad I did!!

Warmups were ROUGH. Three reasons:
1. It was real muggy
2. My balance is all weird due to my foot/knee issues
3. I am overweight smoker who needs stamina improvement

The rest of class was fantastic, tho for some reason towards the end I started to see little white stars and got to that dizzy place right before you pass out. We weren't even doing anything strenuous! Some water helped.

I miss my belt. It's just SO SMALL on me and it gets all uncomfy and makes my pants fall down. Plus it makes me feel wicked fat and get all self-conscious. I know I shouldn't feel TOO bad... I mean, I got it when I was 14 and I'm lucky I can get it tied at all. It's not like I got it 3 years ago and have just gained a tremendous amount of belly fat. No average person has the waist they had when they were 14. I just miss wearing one. Sigh. So what I do, is not wear it, and then I stand in the back row with the green belts because I somehow feel like I don't deserve to be in the front, even though I am technically the highest ranking person in the class. Confidence FAIL.

I think confidence is one of the reasons I've been missing class as much as I have. Yes, scheduling is a bitch, so tuesdays are always out (and some saturdays are off limits too). And yes, I've been feeling under the weather... But also, I'm just not as good as I used to be and since I sort of re-entered the scene after YEARS of being away, I feel a little out of place if that makes sense. Mostly everyone else there has gone through this whole process together, and then BAM I show up randomly out of the blue, out of practice, with a second degree brown belt that doesn't fit, a worn out gi, and I just float between the beginners class and the advanced class trying to get back in shape and get all my material back. It's a little awkward, tho I know it shouldn't be because the dojo is a very accepting "safe zone". Basically it's all in my head.

This challenge is as mental as it is physical.