Day 11: Struggles and Finding Motivation

I'm still deciding whether or not to "get physical" today. I'm feeling bruised, sore, and worn out physically and emotionally. I may decide to go use my new jump rope for a while (or, attempt to anyway... lol), but in the meantime I'm taking a little while to focus on my mind.

This challenge for me is not all about losing weight, getting fit and preparing for the physical challenge of the black belt test. That's part of it, but I'm not sure that's the most important part.

I've had a really rough year so far. I'm not going to go into details about it, but I will say it feels like my whole world just suddenly stopped being what it has been all my life and now I feel like I am starting over from scratch. My confidence is pretty much in shambles.

I need to find my self worth again. This weekend, I didn't feel it at all. Literally, I felt like a total loser. Not only that, but I'm not even in a place right now where I like myself. There's this constant stream going on in my head of stuff I'm doing wrong, or things that are wrong with me. "You're lazy. You're not tidy or organized enough. You complain too much. You're not working hard enough. You look like crap. You annoy people. You've waisted every opportunity you had to be something. You don't deserve your fiancee." Just on and on...

My friend and mentor, Sensei Jim Bouchard talks about how "Perfection is not a destination; It's a never-ending process...". Here are some links to his material that I find motivational and very helpful (for everyone... not just martial artists):


Podcast (Think Like A Black Belt):
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/think-like-a-black-belt/id150959297?i=83634207

Blog:
http://thinklikeablackbeltblog.com/

Books:
http://astore.amazon.com/dynacompofper-20


This blog, the challenge I have set for myself... it's about starting that process of perfection, about finding my sense of self worth again and becoming more confident and about sharing that process with others. It's about deciding to take action, discipline myself and reach my goals. Being a black belt is about more than just punches, kicks and physical strength. That's why I'm not trying to test this October and instead waiting till next year. I need that time to rebuild mentally, get my confidence back and feel better about myself. I want to go into that test knowing I'm ready to face the challenge and knowing I can put 110% into it.